Letting go of deep emotional hurts can be quite difficult and distressing when not properly handled. The fact is that it can keep replaying in our minds, bringing more anxieties, bitterness and sadness, if the matter lingers on unattended to. We all have experienced hurts of some sort whether we categorized them to be deep hurts or not.
Most of us will be able to associate with what it feels like to have been betrayed by a loved one, or have been through a difficult time when there was strain on our friendship, that it was characterized with pain, resentment, hurt and anger over a wrong judgement of us, whether we felt we deserved or didn’t deserve the ill-treatment we were given. Then you are not alone.
It is important to realize that our responses to the same perceived wrong vary greatly from one person to another, depending on our interpretation of the situations. That Immediately relays to us that our perspectives on the matter, plays a very huge role on how we are affected individually, irrespective of the magnitude of the hurt. Of course, this is not making any excuses for any offense.
The point, however, is that we do not have to go along with emotional hurts, playing the victim over whatever unfortunate incident that might have happened to us, because it fills our hearts, makes us feel so out of control, with anxieties, anger and resentment, disempowering us and robbing us of our energies and focus for living.
Incidentally, if we are not so forgetful, we would be able to recollect and see instances that we have also stepped on other people’s toes, spoken unkind words to them whether or not we felt remorseful afterwards, or justified our actions. We must remember that we have failed ourselves so many times and we have failed others too. We must have performed poorly, and come short of other person’s expectations of us at one time or the other.
What is important is that we need to learn to forgive ourselves and forgive others as quickly as possible, this is not just for the other person’s benefit, it more for our own good. It is too expensive for us to keep holding on to hurts and resentments for days, that could affect our sensitivity of hearts and negatively impact on our sense of judgement on even unrelated matters. We should never allow it to weigh us down uncontrollably into the bitter zones of blame trading, critical judgements, envying and jealousies that make us react and do things that we will later regret. Regrets from the negative reactions in turn, open our hearts to guilt and condemnation. Guilt and condemnation going on unchecked can easily slide into terrible hatred and unforgiveness.
We don’t want to stay in unforgiveness, no matter what hurts we have suffered. We can pray and seek for help for us to totally avoid falling into feats of rage, regrets and guilt. Investigations conducted have showed that it is healthier to stay in good mental state of mind. There are explainable and unexplainable clinical symptoms that could make depression to set in, this behavioral and physiological changes cause hormonal imbalances in our system, that is not the purpose of this write up, but when not corrected for long could result into psychosomatic illnesses.
Yes to err is human, to forgive is divine. There is no one person who does not have the capacity to forgive. We all can learn to forgive like little children. We can choose the path of tenderheartedness, peace and reconciliation at all times. Though negative experiences and influences can make it more difficult. We can choose to stay in control of our emotions, even when others lie against us, push us against the wall and irritate us. Of course, there are positions that we can take to distance ourselves from these negative cycles, reactions and extreme tendencies
Indeed, it is our utmost responsibility to reduce the intensity of any perceived wrongs, tension and altercation, this is absolutely necessary so that we are not pushed to fly off the handle under any annoying and mischievous circumstances.
It is worth noting, to say that spouses are two individuals who are so vulnerable to each other, as they trust each other, love each other, confide in each other, having found each other compatible and keep convincing themselves to remain in loveable relationship, but most times the individuals come from very different backgrounds and upbringing. For that singular reason, they will have to actively keep renewing their commitments to each other, grow in devotion to themselves, for them to remain faithful, patient, kind to each other, always forgiving and open in their communications, for better perspectives in building firm resolutions together on so many levels.
Simple and straightforward as it may sound, peaceful coexistence can be a very exhilarating, demanding joyous journey on the one hand. Whereas on the other hand, it can appear to be an overwhelming futile exercise, especially when the spouses are just setting down to know themselves. This is more so, because couple’s come into their relationship with some baggage’s, and masks or false identities, like hypocrisies, manipulations, the lack of full sincerity, in the process of allowing more transparency, and working on trust issues in one area or the other, especially where both or one of the partners is struggling with low self-esteem and it appears like one of the partners is exploiting the weaknesses of the other.
Relationship between spouses siblings, steps, in-law’s, friends, employees-employers and so forth can usually be very demanding. They are not always very cordial.
As we all know, parents sometimes grieve their children when trying to pass their points across, even with the most well meaning intentions. Where you have an unresolved issue with a friend or a loved one that you have not confronted, please be encouraged to take the steps of faith in settling your differences. The courage to ask the individual that we have offended for forgiveness helps the practice of forgiveness itself. There is always so much room for learning and growing, and we would have to learn to be patient with ourselves and with the other persons concerned.
Eventually, we will have to employ more common sense, better discernment and good definitions of expectations, a healthy understanding of boundaries, more encouraging commitments, exercising higher disciplines and demonstrating real interests in forging on together in life for expectation to be realized. Very often there will be unanswered questions and the need to deliberately stay with your choices and commitments in resolving issues, while working on your relationship in discretion, and in forgiveness towards each other.
We all have family and friends that we usually prefer to hang around with more and there are others we try to spend less time with, if they are not ready to change and improve on our relationship together. Never forget that virtues like respect and trust are a vital part of any friendship and must be earned, even where love is unconditional, nonetheless when we have forgiven, we don’t have to remain in the place of resentment.
In heading hurts,we must appreciate the place of prayers, identify and prioritize our family cycles, place value on our cell groups and support system and our fellowships that can contribute in strengthening our resolves.
We must be eager to keep learning from others, we must surround ourselves with those that we consider like-minded, who have gone through our struggles and are victorious, where we want to be. The testimony of role leaders and mentors can Inspire us. We must not be afraid of making mistakes, as we learn to exercise more authority in avoiding future abuses and occurrences when we do identify negative scenarios.
Life is a purposeful and exciting adventure we must not feel defeated, because we are growing. When past negative experiences replays in our minds, the incidents will not be able to keep hurting us like before, if we are learning to always live above regrets and convincingly move on our away from what seems to divide us, to align with our purposes together.
Genuinely asking for forgiveness helps in building commitments, our self-confidence and our self esteem. Then there would be no such thing as irreconcilable differences, if parties involved are trustworthy and transparent you will not be suffering victimizations any longer, neither will the other be able to keep taken advantage of us, except the relationship is an abusive one, in which case the persons involved may need to seek for counseling together.
Otherwise, when we forgive, we don’t have to keep revisiting the hurts. God’s Grace can go so deep into the darkest recesses of our hearts to liberate us from hurts.
Interestingly, we could decide to give more careful attention and time to identifying the things that bind us together, pursuing the relationship that give us peace of mind, while endeavoring to help each other without violating the fundamental human principles of loving our neighbors as ourselves in guarding our inner peace.
Life’s principles are meant to be obeyed. The path of faithfulness honor, true-joy, justice, love, lifelong meaning, peace, reconciliation, spirituality, trust, truth and wisdom is only possible when we are always open to God’s own unconditional love and forgiveness to our hearts.
We are the ones that must always change to live highly accountable lifestyles. We could engage in more worthwhile activities together, doing the things we really can control and enjoy. Gratefully, wisdom helps us to redefine our relationships for better returns in the investment of our time resource, for more productive and rewarding life experiences!
Thank you for reading.
Stay Forgiving.
Michael Yusuf
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